This is how we do it: A Trio’s Love Story
The Unconventional Start
This is how we do it – When Jon proposed that we pause our relationship due to his growing feelings for me, I replied with resolve: “This is how we do it.” Our journey began when I was dating his wife, Leonie, who practiced polyamory. During our time together, Leonie revealed that Jon and I shared a stronger sexual connection. When she ended things, saying we’d be better off as friends, I chose to continue our meetings as a companion. A month later, under the stars in a hammock, Jon and I shared our first kiss. Leonie, ever the observer, remarked, “I told you, I saw this coming.”
At first, we approached our new dynamic cautiously. Jon hesitated, fearing the trio’s balance might be disrupted, but I insisted the bond was worth preserving. The night we officially became boyfriend and girlfriend, I handed Jon a spreadsheet. It listed 100 mutual agreements, from spontaneous sex in a carwash to playful food play. One item noted his habit of using me as a charcuterie board during intimate moments. While Leonie and I joked about joint custody of Jon, our relationship operates independently, blending affection and commitment in a way that feels uniquely ours.
Embracing Complexity
Life in a throuple isn’t always smooth. Doubts arose when I questioned whether my place in the relationship was secure. Jon’s promises to spend time with me sometimes seemed overshadowed by his commitment to Leonie. Yet, this arrangement has proven more fulfilling than any previous relationship. “This is how we do it,” I told myself, as the spreadsheet—dubbed “Project 69”—became a guide for exploring new dimensions of our connection. Sadie’s unconventional “confusing sexy” style, like dressing as the Grinch for a romantic evening, added a layer of novelty to our bond.
Leonie’s role in the trio is central. She was the one who introduced Sadie to the group, and her interest in the new partner was clear from the start. Initially, I felt like an afterthought, a mere backdrop in their interactions. But Leonie had been hinting to Sadie that we might be a better match. When we finally kissed, the spark was undeniable. Our first sexual experience was so intense that we reached orgasm simultaneously. Even then, I tried to suppress the growing love for Sadie, fearing I’d become a liability to Leonie’s bond with Jon.
Love and Jealousy
Jealousy has been a challenge. When Leonie fell for someone else years ago, I grappled with reconciling my casual sex life with the vulnerability of deep love. This time, however, Sadie’s affection for Leonie and Jon brought stability, yet it also made me anxious about my own role. I worried about becoming a poor partner or jeopardizing her relationship with Jon. Still, the connection with Sadie was too strong to ignore, and I found myself in a situation where love felt both exhilarating and terrifying.
“This is how we do it,” I reminded myself as we navigated expectations. Project 69 isn’t just about scheduling intimacy—it’s about fostering curiosity and planning moments of novelty. For instance, I never knew I could be so playful in bed until Sadie introduced the concept of “confusing sexy.” The spreadsheet also helps us align on shared activities and personal boundaries. While Leonie and I lead the relationship, Jon’s presence is essential, creating a balance that feels natural rather than forced.
Living Beyond the Binary
Being a side piece was something I’d embraced, though Jon often corrected me: “You’re not a side piece. You’re a core member of this dynamic.” The label feels right, even if it’s unconventional. My relationship with Jon is the focus, and while I’ve dated others, it doesn’t happen often. The thrill of being in love with Jon is enough, but I also cherish the flexibility that comes with this arrangement.
“We’ve discussed living under the same roof one day,” Leonie said, “but right now I live four blocks away and that suits me.” This arrangement allows us to maintain our individuality while nurturing our shared love. It’s a blend of affection, commitment, and independence that continues to evolve. As we grow together, I’m learning to embrace the complexities of this life, and “this is how we do it” has become more than a phrase—it’s a guiding principle.
