‘I’m not afraid of dying any more’: comedian Eric Lampaert on his amnesia – and the memories he was happy to lose

I m not afraid of dying -

Eric Lampaert: 'I'm Not Afraid of Dying' After Amnesia

A Comedian's Journey Through Forgetting and Remembering

Eric Lampaert's latest theatrical production, titled Zero Minus One, represents far more than a simple performance—it marks his professional resurrection following one of life's most disorienting experiences. The Edinburgh festival presentation features a dual-role narrative set within a padded room, where Lampaert portrays both patient and physician alongside various internal voices. These spectral characters include his former self, romantic partner, offspring, fearsome entity, and even the actor Hugh Grant, all collaborating to help him process seven years of fragmented existence. Through this journey of rediscovery, Lampaert has found himself saying something remarkable: "I'm not afraid of dying any more."

What makes this particular case extraordinary is how completely the condition severed his connection to identity. When consciousness returned gradually over eighteen months, Lampaert described the sensation as resurrecting himself from within. "I'm not afraid of dying any more," he explains. "I've already done it." This revelation carries weight beyond mere philosophical contemplation, given that the amnesiac period felt like an actual death of sorts. The comedian's transformation from someone grappling with anxiety and relationship struggles to someone embracing mortality represents a profound shift in perspective.

The Morning Everything Changed

On March 17th, 2019, Lampaert experienced what he now refers to as "the event"—a moment that would permanently alter his understanding of self. Waking in his Los Angeles bedroom, he observed his hands moving before him with unfamiliar independence. The sensation of controlling limbs that previously felt automatic struck him with childlike amazement. Sitting at the Groucho Club in London during our conversation, he demonstrates this phenomenon by releasing his coffee cup and wiggling his fingers with deliberate curiosity.

A simple knock on his door revealed the extent of his condition. The neighbor downstairs had arrived seeking a bleach bottle Lampaert had borrowed weeks earlier to remove coffee stains from his kitchen sink. Yet now, neither the visitor nor the housemate wandering through the hallway meant anything to him. "Eric?" the neighbor asked tentatively. His response came in rapid succession: "I don't know, I don't know, I don't know …"

"I get that you're this guy's mum," he told his mother upon recognizing her. "But as far as I'm concerned, Eric died."

This complete disconnection extended even to his parents, who failed to register as familiar faces. The severance proved so thorough that regaining memories felt equivalent to bringing himself back to life. Each returning recollection arrived like a souvenir from another person's journey, requiring him to reconstruct his identity piece by piece. Through this process of rebuilding, Lampaert discovered that being unafraid of dying meant being fully present for every moment of recovery.

Rebuilding After the Fall

Before the medical crisis, Lampaert had been riding what he describes as a wave of professional success. Since relocating to Los Angeles in 2016, he had secured marriage to content creator Jordan Dwayne, earned recognition through a Royal Television Society award and the ComediHa comedy prize in Quebec, and performed alongside Eddie Izzard. His appearance in Luc Besson's Valerian and the City of a Thousand Planets in 2017 suggested promising opportunities in Hollywood.

Reality proved different. The anticipated career translation never materialized. Compounding professional disappointment, personal struggles intensified. Anxiety plagued him constantly—the internal narrator refusing to quiet. His marriage deteriorated, leading to divorce proceedings in late 2018. "It was a very lonely time," he reflects. "It was clear that I was repeating behaviours I'd had in previous relationships."

When consciousness returned, Lampaert faced the challenge of reintegrating into a world that had continued without him. He removed his website entirely and ceased communication with approximately 100,000 Facebook followers. New digital identities emerged—"artist formerly known as Eric" and "surfing chaos"—while he sustained himself through sporadic television appearances and improvisational comedy performances.

"I'm always aware that I'm wearing Eric's skin," he says, describing his ongoing relationship with his former self.

Speaking in third person emerged naturally from his dissociative experience rather than serving as theatrical affectation. The condition left him with multiple perspectives on his own existence, making singular identification difficult. Now, through Zero Minus One, he seeks closure and reconnection. "I want to shed this story. I need it out of me," he states. "I'm starting again. I want to show people that I am back." For Lampaert, this new beginning means embracing life with a simple truth: "I'm not afraid of dying any more."