The moment I knew: I was devising a plan to set up Martha with my friend – and realised I’d fallen for her myself

The Moment I Knew: Falling for Martha While Setting Her Up

A Realization That Changed Everything

The moment I knew arrived unexpectedly while I was drafting a mental letter. I had been listing every compelling reason why Pete should reach out to Martha once she returned to London. She was witty, an engaging conversationalist who laughed frequently and enjoyed a good beer. She was simply wonderful in every way. But then the moment I knew truly hit me. Bugger Pete, I thought to myself. I liked Martha, and I liked her considerably more than I had previously acknowledged. I needed to tell her before she booked her flight to England.

How It All Began in Zaire

The story traces back to 1986, when I was twenty-six years old and had been travelling for two years. I was making my way through Africa, camping in the grounds of a somewhat run-down hotel that served as the only campsite in Kisangani, a city then known as Zaire. On my inaugural day in town, I inquired about when the next River Congo ferry would depart. Tomorrow, they informed me. Overland trucks would arrive and remain in town for two or three days.

One truck travelling from Kenya to the UK arrived, and its passengers arranged their stools in a circle for dinner. I asked if I could join them. Martha from Sydney sat beside me on the last available stool. We spent the majority of that night chatting and laughing, and we got along remarkably well. I was quite taken with Martha. She was witty, attractive, enjoyed beer and dancing, and was certainly no fool.

"Hey you, get it yourself."

A local Zairean known as Mr Fixit used to hang around the campsite, changing money and purchasing items from travellers. One evening, several of us were seated at a large table. Mr Fixit returned to retrieve his drink. He pointed at Martha and said, "Hey you, pass my drink." Martha replied, "Hey you, get it yourself." We hung out for two days before Martha's truck moved on; I took the ferry when it eventually arrived.

A Chance Reunion

Eleven days later in Bangui, the capital of the Central African Republic, we encountered each other again by pure chance in another campground. Her truck had been delayed. We spent a week together, visiting markets during the day and heading to local bars and makeshift discos with dirt floors at night. We enjoyed each other's company immensely, though Martha was in a relationship with someone in Sydney and not seeking romance. We kept in touch, and I viewed Martha as a friend whose floor I could sleep on in Sydney if necessary.

From Friendship to Something More

I had loved Australia during my travels, and in January 1988 I migrated from England to Sydney. Martha and I caught up occasionally. I was easily able to find a flatshare, so I didn't have to ask to sleep on her floor. When her relationship ended, she told me she wanted to be more than friends. But I thought she was not the one, and not wanting to lead her on, I rejected her offer.

Martha had once worked as an accountant in London and was thinking of returning there. I had a friend, Pete, in London who I thought she would like, so in my head, I drafted a letter listing all the reasons why he should get in contact with Martha when she got there. She was funny, a great conversationalist who laughed a lot and drank beer. She was all-round wonderful. The moment I knew I was setting her up with Pete, I realized I had fallen for her myself. Bugger Pete, I thought. I liked Martha, a lot. I had to let her know before she booked a flight to England.

We already had plans to catch up that Thursday, but I asked to move it forward a day. I wanted to ask her on our first proper date for Saturday, and I thought the sooner I asked, the better my chances of her being free. So on Wednesday, I told her how I felt and asked if she could forgive me for not seeing the light sooner. The moment I knew everything would work out, she smiled and said yes. Fortunately for me, all she cared about was that I had finally come to my senses.

Building a Life Together

Things moved very quickly after that. In September, I moved in with Martha, and into her bed, not her floor. In December we bought the house we still live in. After deciding she didn't want to be married nor have children, she eventually agreed to both, as long as I was the primary carer. We're very fortunate to live the life we do. Martha is just as wonderful as when we first met. The only thing that's changed is she now drinks champagne. The moment I knew I had found my person, I never looked back.